Oh man. Questions like this are some of my least favorite to be asked. I always dread the “Tell us where you want to be in five years,” prompt in interviews.
In ten years I’ll be turning 34. I always think about where my Mom was when she was my age. For example, at 23 my mom had a newborn and had been married for two or three years. Me? I have a dog and live with my two roommates—not married and no kids.
I don’t really remember where my Mom was at 34. I think we had just moved to Michigan from California. She had a 12-year old daughter and was a single mother. Kudos to her by the way. I know for a fact that I could NEVER be a single mother at 24 and raise my child by myself.
Anyways, in ten years I want to be…this is going to sound so cliche…married with at least two children and maybe a third, with a house and two dogs. I want to sit at my kitchen table drinking coffee with my friend from two houses over as our kids play in the backyard.
If my eighteen-year old self was here right now she would probably slap me. I never, NEVER dreamed about being a mom or having kids.
However, in ten years, I also want to have either a PhD or at least my Master’s degree teaching or working professionally. In ten years I want to have traveled the world and be taking weekend trips around the US with no kids.
It can really go multiple ways which is why I hate these kinds of questions. The way I see it, I don’t even know where my life will be next Fall. How can I say where I want to be in 10 years? If I have kids by 34 then I have kids. If I don’t and instead my life worked out differently and I have a career then that’s where I’ll be.
I don’t want to make any concrete plans because if something doesn’t work out as planned, I don’t want to be let down. I could have two very different lives in 10 years. Just like I could have had a very different life had certain things played out differently when I was 18.
Instead of talking about my current romantic relationship, I’m going to talk about my current relationship with myself.
Right now I feel like I’m in a sort of limbo with myself; not quite working towards something but not quite just sitting around doing nothing. I’ve had an odd time adjusting to post-college adult life because from 6-22 years old I was constantly working towards something—school. I never realized how much being in college defined my life until I was done.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being absolute amazing/I love myself/I’m a boss bitch/#worldtakeover I would say that my current relationship with myself sits at 7. I don’t feel like a total waste of space not doing anything with her life but I also don’t feel like this is my time and I’m running the show.
I feel like right now is a really important, but odd, time for my self development. I’m adjusting to being a full-fledged, no training wheels, adult. And to be honest, it’s been challenging. Every day I ask myself:
What am I doing with my life? Am I making some sort of impact or am I doing nothing to contribute to society or myself?
And currently I don’t feel like I’m exactly doing anything. The only metaphor that I can describe how I feel is that I’m in the chrysalis stage of turning into a butterfly. I’m sitting still while I work on myself so that I can grow and transform into someone better. I have no idea who I will be, but I know that living in Iowa on my own and working a normal adult office job, has a really big impact on who I’m growing into now post-college.
Currently I’m doing a lot of self-reflection. Working on my body positivity and confidence, and honestly, trying to get my shit together so that I feel calm with myself and not lost. It’s weird and I wonder if all college graduates experience this or if it’s just me. But it definitely affects my current relationship with myself.
I haven’t worked out, like consistently, in about two months. And I’ve been eating pizza. And pasta. And chocolate chips. And regular chips.
I haven’t turned into an amorphous blob or anything. In fact, when I went home and told my best friend that I was pushing 160 her response was, “Yeah, but you don’t look like you are. Flex your arm for me. It’s all muscle.” Inside I said no girl. Outside I laughed and responded. “Haha. Yeah you’re probably right.” *insert awkward hair flick because I was totally lying*.
The first thing I want to say is there’s absolutely nothing wrong at all with taking time off and just enjoying yourself. I decided to stop for a few months because I had a lot coming up with moving and I just wanted to enjoy myself and take a damn nap after work instead of worrying about where I was going to workout and weighing out all of my food.
So if I’m being honest. Yes. I haven’t worked out or followed a meal plan in two months or more. Yes. I currently weigh somewhere between 157 and 160 lbs. Yes. I now have stretch marks not just on my inner thighs anymore, but now around the outsides of my hips (I blame my Dad’s side of the family for that because us Kelly women carry our weight in our hips—I’ve got small boobs but a big butt). And yes, I’ve crowned myself queen of giving up because the only time I followed through on any workout plan was a year ago with BBG.
It happens. I’m not going to stuff kale into my mouth and start eating potato wedges wrapped in iceberg lettuce while squatting. That shit is not going to happen and neither will sitting around and quietly making excuses as to why my jeans keep getting just a little bit tighter. Because I think a lot of us do that, myself included.
I’m entering fall with 17 more pounds, about 10 more stretch marks, and a little bit of lethargy because I keep staying up too late binge watching Shameless on Netflix.
If you haven’t read my “Kale no.” post, read that here. I talk about why I won’t be shoving iceberg lettuce down my throat any time soon. And my stretch marks.
At what point do you finally say enough is enough? What’s your switch moment when you something finally switches on and you decided that you’re tired of making excuses? For me it’s when I noticed that I now have stretch marks around my hips instead of just on my inner thighs. It was when the scale pushed past 155 to 157 to 160 and never went back down to 150 (and it happened pretty fast too—took about one and a half months). Those were my moments.
Eventually enough has to be enough. I would tell myself that if I feel like I want to indulge and just enjoy myself now I can because I have *potentially* my whole life to get in shape. That moment is now. I’m not talking overnight, Victoria’s Secret, American Ninja Warrior.
Instead I’ve looked in the mirror. Figured out that it’s not all appearance but how I feel. And decided to identify my current status with my body, my goals, and how I want to accomplish that. Below is my plan that I wanted to share for accountability and because I know people like to read these things. I’m a planner and if I’m feeling overwhelmed I like to create some sort of plan or list because it calms me down and makes me feel more in control.
Current weight: 161 lbs Goal weight: around 140 lbs (I’m okay with 145 to start) Achieved by: January 13, 2017 (four months away) Calories: around 1,664 (I figured it out using multiple calorie calculators like this one) Workouts: Combination of at-home strength and cardio 4-5 days a week with two active rest days
Meal Prepping & Food
Because I won’t be lifting in a gym, and because I might workout less than 5 days a week, I bumped my calories down from 1,800 to around 1,664 which I calculated using multiple calorie calculators.
I’ve decided to go back to basics for meal planning and dug out my 21 Day Fix containers. This time though, I found the new vegan plan after some internet
searching and I’ll be following that. When I tried the 21 Day Fix I was supposed to be eating 1,300 calories and I wasn’t vegan and it sucked hard core. This time though, I’m using the vegan plan which has moved lentils, quinoa, and beans to the red protein group and bumped up the yellows.
I think the 21 Day Fix system is great as a guideline and that’s how I’ll be using it. As a guide to make sure I’m eating enough vegetables and varied proteins and carbs because as a vegan I can slip up on protein. I’ve included a picture of my meal prep guide that I spent my Saturday (and lots of washi tape and wasted stickers) making. I want to track my actual calories and macros with MFP just until I get back into the swing of things.
I’m lazy. Super lazy. If I had to choose between a nap and working out after work I will almost always choose the nap. I’m also trying to save as much money as I can to travel next year and I just can’t justify spending money on a monthly gym membership plus the enrollment and cancellation fees (and if things work out right I’ll be moving out of Iowa next summer hopefully).
Anytime Fitness is hella expensive and I’m super wary of Planet Fitness (what kind of gym serves Monday night pizza and keeps tootsie rolls around?). I’ve decided to try out at-home workouts. Similar to the 21 Day Fix but more strength focused. I found a few great YouTube channelsand I have a set of 3, 5, 8, and 10 pound dumbbells laying around which are heavy enough for now. If I find that working out at home isn’t exactly…working out then Planet Fitness will always be there (Lord give me strength because they have a lunk alarm).
My goal is to hit between 4-5 workouts a week at or above 40-45 minutes. Some days will be just be strength and then two or three times I’ll change it up with a 20-30 minute strength workout and the Couch to 10K running app for cardio/endurance. At least two days will be active rest days with light exercise like stretching, foam rolling, and long walks with Charlie. That leaves one full day of just nothing so that I can regroup and relax.
I know it shouldn’t be about the number on the scale, and for the most part this isn’t, but I’m human and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about seeing 161 pop up when I step on a scale.
I set a goal weight (based on my height and age of course) so that I had a number to work with while calculating my calories and macros and to give myself something more concrete. I know that if I just said, “My goal is to workout 5 days a week and follow a meal plan,” I would give up in about two weeks because a goal like that is just too abstract for myself. I need something concrete to work towards so that I can develop a plan of action. It’s just how I am.
So my “goal” is to lose somewhere close to 20 pounds by next January (again, I’m okay with 145 at this point because I can keep working towards 140 after January). But my real goals for this plan, or decision, or whatever I’m supposed to call it is to overall feel confident naked. Honestly. When I look in the mirror I don’t want to feel self conscious even around myself. I also want to up my endurance and get it back to where it used to be a year ago when I was doing BBG. I miss those bosu ball pushups but if I tried to do one of those now I’d fall on my face. Guaranteed.
I’ll be checking in weekly with updates. So, here’s to getting my winter body back 😉
So many things have changed. I moved out of one apartment. Went home for three weeks. Moved back to Iowa and into a new apartment. Brought my bangs back. The sun is setting by 7:30 now instead of 10. And it’s almost fall and officially Pumpkin Spice Latte season according to Instagram.
I’ve decided to kick things off again with a 30 blog post challenge that I found after sifting through loads of Pinterest posts.
Because I thought that it would be fun.
Because it will **hopefully** get me back into the writing groove and force me to create new content that I might not normally create.
Because there are some questionable prompts and who knows…I might learn something about myself.
So each day (starting tomorrow obviously because I’m a procrastinator), for the next 30 days, I will be writing one new post based off of a prompt. I might change a few up (like Day 1), but for the most part I’ll be following the little picture I found on Pinterest.
Cheers to fall. Cheers to Pumpkin Spice Lattes that don’t taste anything like real pumpkin. And cheers to me getting up close and personal with you all. I’m going to let you into my personal space bubble. Like really into my personal space bubble. Nice and close like we’re besties 4 life.